Wednesday, June 30, 2010
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years... He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble... At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up. 'The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog...
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word...
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile...
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
- Buy bags of
prewashed greens so you can make a salad in no time.
blueberries and grapes in the freezer, and nibble on them while they're
- Make an extra-large batch of vegetable
soup. Freeze the leftovers in single-serving containers for easy,
instant homemade lunches on busy days.
- Every Monday,
bring five pieces of fresh fruit to work, and eat one every day. Keep
the fruit in a basket — not only will you eat more but you'll enjoy how
- For a satisfying snack, spread some peanut
butter on apple slices or a banana.
- Take a half hour each
week to cut up fresh fruits and veggies and store them in sealed
containers. No one can resist a ready-to-eat fruit salad, and peppers,
celery, and carrots are much more enticing when they are already washed
- Visit your local farmers' market. You'll be amazed at the array of colorful, delicious produce you'll find.
They are called 'Willy Peppers'..
By the way, they can grow up to 18" long! Sort of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
In his new movie, Ralph Macchio faces his toughest challenge yet; to become a Hollywood bad boy. With Karate Kid returning to the big screen, his career fading his friends and family are forced to stage an intervention. In order to re-establish himself in the entertainment industry he hits the streets of Los Angeles to show everyone how tough he can be.
ANYONE HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS? WOULD YOU PAY TO SEE THIS MOVIE?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
What do broccoli, egg whites, and salmon have in common? Besides being good for your health overall (and delicious), they're just a few of the diet essentials that help prevent against heart disease, cancer, and more.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Also i get major food cravings during my period no matter what my flow is like or how long it lasts. I started off today well. a big bowl of apples and cinnamon oatmeal with strawberries, sun-dried apricots, honey, ground ginger and pumpkin pie spice added for extra flavor. i also made myself a big cup of tea (decaf spiced chai, bigelow's mint medley and classic breakfast mixed-gonna refill it now). then i ate a package of smores pop tarts cos i was craving chocolate lol hey leave me alone- i'm menstral. i'll find something semi-healthy to healthy later for dinner (i hope). What healthy foods could i eat during my period to stop the cravings?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Commercial sunscreen products often contain propyl compounds and other chemicals questionable for your health; and many of the all-natural products are overly expensive due to the addition of exotic tropical oils for their scent. In addition, many commercial products may have been tested on animals. When all you really need is cheap, safe protection from the sun's rays, try the following sunscreen recipe.
- Heat the cup of olive oil over a low flame.
- Add 1 ounce of beeswax, broken into pieces if possible (so that it melts faster).
- Stir constantly until the beeswax is completely melted in the hot oil.
- Put on a pair of gloves and a face mask. This is to protect you from direct contact with the zinc oxide powder. Add one to two tablespoons of USP grade zinc oxide powder. Add a little at a time, continuing to stir constantly. Ensure that it is blended in well.
- Remove the mixture from the stove. Pour it into a glass or ceramic pot that can be covered.
- If pouring into a narrow neck, use a pastry bag to squeeze the sunscreen through.
- Allow to cool to room temperature before use. Keep stored in a cool, dry environment. Label and date it.
- If you cannot find the ingredients, buy zinc oxide cream from the drugstore and apply it in place of commercial sunscreen products.
- Try other edible, natural oils; just about anything that is safe to eat ought to be safe on your skin.
- If wished, add a few drops of essential oil for a pleasant scent. If so, check the properties of the oil to ensure it is suitable for wear in the sunshine and has no side effects.
- Titanium dioxide may work as well as, or better than, zinc oxide. Either oxide is what does the "work" of the sunscreen.
- The beeswax makes the resulting product viscous, like a skin cream, holding the oxide in suspension. You can try varying the ratio of oil to wax.
- The beeswax and oxide, if not available locally, can usually be found at auction websites.
- Zinc oxide itself may be a health risk, so avoid breathing the powder. A face mask should be worn until the product is all in suspension.
- It's better to dedicate a pan, stirring spoon, and any other necessary utensils for this purpose, never using them for food again. Mark them well so that you know that they're only for non-cooking use.
- It is possible that the oxide will settle while the product is cooling, or during transit in a hot environment. If, when you are applying it, it is translucent, you will need to stir the oxide up from the bottom. If you don't do this, you won't have an effective product; just a false sense of security! A viable product will be opaque.
- Keep out of direct heat or the wax risks melting. Place in the fridge to solidify if this occurs.
- Keep out of reach of curious children and pets. It should not be ingested.
Things You'll Need
- 1 cup olive oil or another natural oil
- 1 oz / 28 g pure beeswax
- Pure (USP grade) zinc oxide or titanium dioxide
- Spoon for stirring
- Gloves and face mask
- Stove, even a camp stove will work fine
- Glass or ceramic pot with lid for storage
- How to Stay Safe in the Sun
- How to Prevent a Sunburn
- How to Use a Trangia Camping Stove
- How to Make a Simple Beverage Can Stove
- How to Survive in the Desert
- How to Choose Sunscreen
Sources and Citations
- This research was made possible, in part, by a land grant from the City of the Sun, http://directory.ic.org/records/?action=view&page=view&record_id=20103; however, the specifics of the research were not coordinated nor endorsed by COSF.
- HealSoAZ.org, http://healsoaz.org/less_toxic_personal_products.htm, original source of this recipe.
- ↑ EWG, CDC: Americans carry burden of toxic sunscreen chemical, http://www.ewg.org/analysis/toxicsunscreen
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make Sunscreen. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
#2021 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
When I Was Quiet
"They didn't see me when I was quiet."
That's what my five-year-old said.
I picked him up from school and as usual, asked him how his day
went. I often ask him what he did during the day.
"I got my name put on the board for talking," he said.
The teachers try to be strict about maintaining discipline.
It's a good thing. Even though they can't use the paddle
anymore as they did in my day, they do the best they can with
the techniques they are allowed to use.
If your name is on the board, you can't play during recess.
You can't get on the swings, the slide, or play any of the
sports. If your name is on the board, you're grounded.
"I got my name on the board, but they didn't see me when I was
quiet so I couldn't get it off."
Remember the last speeding ticket that you got?
They didn't see you when you were going slower and traveling at
a reasonable speed. Down the hill and in a hurry and here comes
the blue lights.
They didn't see you when you were quiet!
The boss catches you just when you doze for a second (well maybe
longer than a second) after diligently working all day.
They didn't see you when you were quiet.
Your wife catches your eyes wandering as you admire the
architecture of an elegant building that just happens to have a
shapely female in front of it.
They didn't see you when you were quiet.
Why doesn't the world take into account all of the times that
you were quiet?
Why do you suffer so long for a moment's indiscretion?
How can a few minutes take an eternity to make up for?
Because of one of life's simple principles,
it's a lot easier and faster to mess up than to clean up.
Harsh words uttered in five seconds can damage a relationship
for five years.
All of us are still in school.
We still have teachers.
We still pass or fail tests.
There are still paddles in one form or another
and there is still the board.
With many of the things in our lives,
we simply need to slow down and be quiet.
That way we won't miss playtime.
~A MountainWings Original~
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Friday, June 18, 2010
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists
have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water
each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,
(E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through a purification process
of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Check out my other blog on Xanga
Today's entry: Reality Flashback: Crystal Bowersox At Age 13 - Reality Rocks
Crystal Bowersox seems to have come out of nowhere, transforming from unknown single mom/subway busker to "American Idol" front-runner in a matter of weeks. But she's been performing for years, and a recently unearthed video of a then-13-year-old Crystal singing in 1999 indicates that this raw talent was always destined for greatness.
The clip above was shot at the annual Huron Boat Basin Show in Huron, Ohio, where event organizer Cathy Black traditionally invited young, undiscovered talent to perform. Despite being barely old enough to get into a PG-13 movie, the prepubescent Crystal (playing an original song) comes across as incredibly mature, very Jewel-like, and remarkably poised--hardly your typical tween. Really, all the tweens voting for "Idol" this season should look up to Crystal.
Whether Crystal wins "American Idol" next week or not, it's obvious from this video that music has always been her calling, and that she has a wonderful musical career ahead of her.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
hursday, 10 June 2010
In these days of dieting, cutting calories, and smaller portion sizes, people are trying their best to be skinnier. But certain foods are trying to trick you into thinking that they are healthy choices when they really aren't. And by just looking at them, it's easy to think that they are good for you. In fact, they tricked me for many a year! But I'm here to show you 10 foods that seem healthy, but actually aren't.
1. Diet Soda
People know that drinking regular soda is bad for them, so they switch to diet because it doesn't have any sugar. That's only half right, it doesn't have any REAL sugar. It's full of artificial sweeteners which, if you drink an abundance of, can cause terrible things like type 2 diabetes and makes you more likely to be obese. Diet soda=bad.
2. Dried Fruit
Ok, this is one that fooled me. I always thought that dried fruit was good for you all of these years! But alas, no. It has a lot of sugar and trans fats because the majority of us buy our dried fruit from the store in a bag, and by adding all of those bad things is how the dried fruit keeps shelf life. Unless you are drying your own fruit, the stuff from the store is no bueno.
Muffins are sugar mines. When people tell you, "Oh boy this is low fat and has no calories!" that's fine and all, but how much sugar does it have? Because sugar just turns to fat like THAT when you digest it. So don't let them trick you, always check for sugar content! Muffins are made with white flour, sugar and butter, all recipes for disaster! Specifically bran muffins, that's the biggest surprise of all! They have about 420 calories a muffin. Trust me, I'm disappointed that my friend bran muffin tricked me. That fiend.
He may look cute, but he's really evil!
4. Turkey Burgers
Most people (including myself...well before I found this out) think that eating a turkey burger is better for you than a regular beef burger. Incorrect. My boyfriend works in our college cafeteria at the grill and he has told me that the regular beef burger has about 150 calories LESS than a turkey burger. At my school they have the caloric intake for pretty much every food sitting out (trying to keep us fit as a fiddle) and I even read myself that the regular burger at school has 150 calories and the turkey burger has about 300. And they were both the same size! Still unconvinced? Medicinenet.com claims that turkey burgers are hidden uhealthy foods in that they are full of fat. I'm personally appalled. Here's the website if you'd like to look for yourself.
5. Certain Salads
I'm not saying salads are bad for you, I'm just saying that you have to be careful with what you put on your salads. Let's take the ceasar salad. Personally, it's one of my favorites. And when we think of salad, we automatically think of a healthy choice, it's lettuce and stuff, right? Well a ceasar salad is full of all that dressing and cheese and (if you want) chicken. So the average ceasar salad has about 600 calories. Which is outrageous, because salads are thought of to be healthy!
I love smoothies, they are nice and fruity and delicious. But full of sugar. And I mean FULL of sugar. Ever heard of Jamba Juice? Well a 16oz Aloha Pineapple smoothie from Jamba Juice has a staggering 290 calories and 63g of sugar. Think it's a fluke? Well the majority of the smoothies at Jamba Juice at that size have about 60g of sugar and over 200 calories. And most smoothie chains in America are the same. Beware of smoothies unless you make it yourself with fresh (not frozen. it's full of sugar and syrup) fruit.
7. Whole Milk
Yes, milk is a dairy product and dairy is important in our diets, but it depends on what kind of dairy you consume. Whole milk is swimming with sugar, cholesterol and saturated fat. Try skim if you want less calories, although it clearly is not as sweet as whole milk. I'll admit, whole milk is sweet and delicious but it has too much sugar. Personally I drink soy milk which has it's own problems, I know. But if you want to drink soy milk it is definitely an acquired taste, like a fine wine. Except it's made with beans.
Ketchup is basically red sugar. Although it tastes wonderful with fries and on burgers and things of that nature, it's just sugar. That's mostly because it's made with far more than just tomatoes. It has high fructose corn syrup, which is just another word for sugar. Rule of thumb, if you are reading the nutrition labels in anything, things that end in -ose are just another word for sugar. So unless you are making your own ketchup, it isn't really healthy.
This really only pertains to juice that is on the shelf. It's just packed with sugar. Take orange juice for example. Sometimes my friend, Kara, and I get Tropicana orange juice from the cafe at college. It tastes pretty good, but 8oz of juice has about 20g of sugar. Yikes. If you want juice I recommend investing in a juicer. The juice tastes WAY better when it is squeezed fresh and it has less calories. Win win situation.
10. Vitamin Water
I like Vitamin Water, it's wonderful. My personal favorites are Dragonfruit and Endurance (the mango one). But once again, they are swimming with sugar, which is bad. Although I'm proud of Vitamin Water because they are making new healthy versions with less calories and sugar. Kudos, Vitamin Water!
Do you know any other foods that seem healthy but actually aren't? What do you think of these 10 foods?
Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image Source Image SourceAS POSTED ON XANGA:
Monday, June 14, 2010
Are You Stretching the Right Way?
As we grow older, we tend to lose some flexibility, which makes us more likely to suffer an injury — 80 percent of people suffer from back pain at some point in their lives. A stretching program can help prevent common injuries and improve overall flexibility; one study showed that people who stretched for 30 seconds per muscle group each day increased their range of motion significantly in just a few weeks.
Taking just a few minutes to stretch several times a week can pay off in the way you feel throughout the day. Perform simple stretches for the various muscle groups in your arms (triceps, biceps, shoulders), legs (hamstrings, quadriceps, calves, inner thighs), and even your chest and neck.
It's best to stretch after you warm up or after you've finished your exercise — it's easier and more effective to stretch with warmed, loose muscles. Stretching when your muscles are cold and stiff, however, may make an injury more likely. One easy way to incorporate stretching into your routine is to make it part of your cooldown.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
#2015 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
Not Just Another Mother
A few months ago when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation.
"Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded.
Before I could answer, and I didn't really have one handy, she blurted out the reason for her question.
It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a .....?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily.
"I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like official Interrogator or Town Registrar.
"And what is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I don't know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters)."
"Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant!
I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."
Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.
Send this to another Mother you know. Whether a stay-at-home Mom or a career Mom, we should all carry this title.
Thank you for inviting MountainWings in your mailbox.
See you tomorrow.
Send this to a mother today:
www.MountainWings.com "Wings Over The Mountains of Life"
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Daily issue in larger type Go To: http://www.mountainwings.com
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Also, please come to my comedy showcase on June 19th if you are in the area. Here's all the info you'll need: http://rockinrita.xanga.com/728474603/comedy-showcase
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Dr. Robert Smith takes his last drink, and Alcoholics Anonymous is founded, by him and Bill Wilson
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a worldwide mutual aid movement describing itself as "a fellowship of men and women" whose "primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety" more info...
WHY DO WE KNOW THEIR NAMES IF IT'S ANONYMOUS? IF YOU GO TO ANY ANONYMOUS MEETING THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS SAY YOUR NAME... WHY? DOESN'T THAT TAKE AWAY THE ANONYMITY?
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
So it turns out that today's showcase was for all the people who go to The Fusion Performing Arts Center (Dance, acting, singing, piano, comedy, public speaking, etc.) Still I had a total blast! Thanks to Patrick Minyon for being the only person I invited (besides my mom) to actually show up! Thank u Pat 4 coming!!! It means so much to me! Hope you had a really great time! =D
That being said....
LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS:
PLEASE INVITE EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO WILL BE IN SOUTHERN NJ ON SATURDAY JUNE 19TH. THIS IS THE DATE OF CAMDEN COUNTY COLLEGE'S COMEDY SHOWCASE. WE STILL NEED A LOT OF RSVPs OR WE CANT HAVE IT! :-( WE WORKED VERY HARD & DESERVE OUR SHOW! THE 19TH IS COMING UP QUICK SO CHECK THE FACEBOOK EVENT & CALL MY CELL. MSG ME 4 MY IF YOU NEED MY #. Declan Eells,Max Yankowitz,Justyn Jackere,Joshua Fowler,Jay Brone,AMY ALLEN,ALISHA COLEY,ANDY CARAMANA
tags: facebook, comedy, stand up, showcase, stand up comedy, comedy showcase, event, stand up comedy showcase
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
But here’s the unbelievable part: 99% of the available coupons weren’t redeemed. This means there’s either money lying in the streets or the vast majority of shoppers can’t be bothered.
Is that dollar-off coupon worthwhile or worthless? Answering these questions will help you find out.
Is it something I normally buy (or want to try)? Never buy anything just because it’s a great deal. That’s not saving; it’s spending more. If a coupon is for an item that normally isn’t on your list (or a better alternative), leave it. Amazing how many women forget that.
Will I use it before it expires (or ever)? If the coupon is for a larger size than you normally buy, consider whether you’ll ever use it all. This is particularly true at the big warehouse stores. Some people also purchase multiple coupons for individual items on websites such as eBay. But could anyone ever realistically use 20 containers of nondairy creamer? Getting greedy usually costs you in the long run.
Is there a store in my area that doubles coupons? If so, then shop there. Even coupons for 20- or 30-cent discounts can add up, especially when combined with in-store sales and rebates. Likewise, check with the store manager to see if online coupons are accepted. (A few great coupon sources: Coupons.com, CoolSavings.com, and—of course—Vocalpoint.) The more coupon-friendly the store is, the greater your incentive to clip them. Hint: Some BJ’s will accept multiple coupons for items grouped together in a “club pack”—each item inside must have its own bar code.
Am I an efficient clipper? To find out, divide the total coupon savings on your next grocery bill by the estimated number of hours you spent clipping or surfing/printing. The result is your hourly “wage” for the effort. Decide if it’s worth it or not, or increase your efficiency by:
* Clipping while riding an exercise bike.
* Registering with an online clipping service where you choose from thousands of coupons, pay a small handling fee, and receive them by mail in a few days. Some examples include Collectible Coupons, The Coupon Clippers, and Coupon Clipping Crew.
* Combining clipping with socializing. Organize a monthly coupon night with friends or a coupon lunch with coworkers.
Oh, and if you have any extra coupons you don’t need, leave ’em on the product at the store for others to use. In case you didn’t know, that’s part of the coupon code.
Monday, June 07, 2010
The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n..): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future and it's rapidly expanding.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting sex.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness or a new term to define the female torso.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon ( n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
There will be a Stand Up Comedy Showcase @The Fusion Performing Arts Center/School in Cherry Hill, NJ this coming Wednesday June 9th, 2010 at 7:30pm.
On Saturday June 19th there may or may not be a show at 8:00pm. Hopefully if we get enough people rsvp and/or buy tickets to the second show there'll be a second show. Please invite all your friends and family. We really need many people to rsvp for the second show to happen! Students being featured include: me, Amy Allen, Joshua Fowler, Jay Brone, Justyn Jackere, Max Yankowitz, Declan Eells, and more. See each event listing on facebook and RSVP ASAP! Events are both listing under the title "CCC Stand Up Comedy Graduation Showcase."
Please join us for a fun night of comedy featuring national Headliner Ronnie Long.
Presented by: Vince Valentine and Paul Solari
Buy tickets at the door or call up or email CmdyCollective@aol.com. Please come and support me and the other students!
For Today's blog entry I want you to take a look at : Vocalpoint - Add a Bit of Sweet to Every Day